The Ted Chain

Ted's music efforts over the years fall under the moniker "The Ted Chain". It's like a long, interconnected series of bizarre events.

Note to self: Move all this to bandcamp.



Archdiocese is the peak of Ted's sad attempt at what might loosely be called "talent". Everything is Ted except for the only redeeming part: Chad's incredibly ballsy vocal track. More Archdiocese...

Absolute Value


Absolute Value hold the distinction of being the top-rated Ted Chain band, according to the Ted Chain Top 40 for 1997. These guys are really great. You can tell Ted wasn't involved. Actually, Ted did record this, so it's a wonder you can hear them at all. More Absolute Value...


Bass in Space

"Bass In Space" is Ted's song about a bassist. The original two-bar bass line was penned for the Bath-key Bangers by J.J.Jammer. Ted took the bass line, and ran with it, adding drums, guitar, and a rap-inspired set of lyrics. The result is this little jazz number featuring Ted on everything including, unfortunately, the "singing". Hold on to your ears, and forget everything you know about tuning...

Fart Burp Twik

Fart Burp Twik is an intimate examination of the relationship between 80's low-budget science fiction and the realities of the bedroom. This was the original inspiration for the ill-fated "Buck Rogers Sexperience" project.

More Sounds

Kill Yourself
Big Toe (Ska)

Voyage to Uranus
Buttocks II (Dream Beguine)

Burn in Hell
Last Supper (Devil Metal)

Riverside Connection (Tribal Funk)

Dazed Elephant
JJJammers (Avant Strumpet)

Tribute To Flex
JJJammers (Avant Roast)

Touch My Oatmeal (clip)
Rancid Oatmeal (Avant Groats)

Grab Your Butt
Ted (Toilet Pop)

Other Junk

Ted Team Studios
Press Releases
Broken Life Festival

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This website is a work of fiction. All of the characters portrayed in this website are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2001-2023, Ted
Copyright © 2001-2023, The Ted Chain