The Ted Chain Bands

The following is a list of the various bands in the Ted Chain in alphabetical order. A speaker icon appears next to those bands with an audio clip available. Click on the icon to hear a sample of their latest work.

P1-3 indicate parts 1-3 of the Ted Chain history. If a band first appeared in Part 1, a (P1) will appear after the band's name. P3 refers to the unwritten Part 3 of the History of the Ted Chain.

Click to hear Voices Absolute Value
(P2) Weight-loss obsessed math band. Lead vocalist Dave Seifert was famous for solving Calculus problems during live shows.
David Seifert   - Lead Vocals
Susan Ack       - Lead Vocals, Backing Vocals
Darrin Danner   - Lead Guitar, Bass, Backing Vocals
Ed Seighman     - Bass, Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals
Andrew Kastello - Drums, Backing Vocals
[Discography] [Pix]

Ailment, The
(P2) One-song-only band formed as a convenience for a "Gong Show"-style talent show. Name is a play on "The Cure." Played a cover of the Cure's "Why can't I be you?" modified to lament the rumored death of the Cure's lead vocalist due to a cocaine overdose. Fortunately, there was no truth to the rumor. Unfortunately, the similarity of this band to Anarchist Women which followed at the Gong Show (only the bassist was different) caused Anarchist Women (a "legitimate" band) to be disqualified by the confused judges.
Darrin Danner  - Lead Vocals
Ted            - Lead Guitar
Matt O'Byrne   - Bass
Keith Richmond - Drums
Alice Eats Nails
All-girl Industrial Death-Metal group. Obviously influenced by Alice in Chains and Nine Inch Nails.
Alice - Lead Vocals (of death)
Babs - Electric Flute (of death)
Christine - Vibes (of death)
Darlene - Drums (of death)
All Bass Band
(P1) Occasionally performed live with vocalists that contrasted with its normally Bass laden sound. Renowned for causing damage to sound systems in live venues. Albums include "Bass Accusations" and "Touch Bass".
Andy Piece     - First Bass
Pete Carr      - Second Bass/Lead Vocals
Scott Bath Key - Third Bass (Kinkdom(TM) 34-String Bass)
All Drum Band
(P1) Percussion-only band created as an experiment by Bryan Frizzbrain. Very widely respected in the Jazz community.
Bryan Frizzbrain - Drums
Alan Hamilton - Drums
Brad Hemp - Drums
Hott Hedd - Drums
Anarchist Women
(P2) Punk band that delivered a Women's Freedom message. Most songs dealt with women's issues. Played one High School house party and almost got busted by the police. Disbanded days prior to a gig at DC Space.
Darren Danner   - Lead Vocals
Ted             - Lead Guitar
Maximum Guerrin - Bass
Keith Richmond  - Drums
Angry Max
(P2) Band formed around the highly controversial bassist Maximum Guerrin. Guitarist "Beefy" Stu was often seen at the grocery store buying meat.
Maximum Guerrin - Bass/Lead Vocals
"Beefy" Stu     - Lead Guitar
Claude Hand     - Drums
(P2) Synth-Pop band that played many benefit performances. They usually didn't care whether or not they got paid.
Rob Barlowe     - Lead Vocals/Keyboards
Susan Ack       - Lead/Backing Vocals, Keyboards
Ed Seighman     - Lead Guitar
Charlie Riordan - Bass
Keith Richmond  - Drums
Click here to hear! Archdiocese
(P3) A devil-metal band influenced by Last Supper. Performed mostly Christmas music on their only album.
Chad Mynhier - Vocals, Drum/Bass arrangements and
Ted          - Guitars, Drum/Bass arrangements and
Mynhier      - Magical Armpit

Arm & Dildo
(P1) Alternative outlet band responsible for raising the level of sexual-awareness in teenagers.

Babylonian Transfer
(P1) Laundromat influenced band that claim to have met in a large department store. Famous for their vocal reggae style.
Tex          - Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
Fastman      - Vocals/Keyboards
Blue Boo Boo - Vocals/Horns
Soi-King     - Vocals/Bass
Jack         - Vocals/Drums
Stolen Sweater
Recorded: 9/15/82    Released: 9/82
Songs: Stolen Sweater, Ripped Jacket, Waterproof Spliff, Detergent,
       Flourescent Footwear, Colored Underwear, (Side 2), Tie Dye, 
       Pleated Sack, Adventure in Jah Dryer, Reggae Clothing, Front-Naked, 
       Filmed Girls, Rasta Movies.
Bad Display
(P2) British-Pop cover band that performed Van Halen songs on request.
Paul Daigle - Lead Vocals/Keyboards
Ted         - Lead Guitar/Bass Simulator
Dick Shaver - Drums

Band: Saw
(P2) Thrash metal band featuring various power tools. Reduced their instruments to a pile of sawdust by the end of each show. Disbanded after an unfortunate incident at a live performance involving an audience member who had accidentally wandered onto the stage without proper protection.
Dave Seifert - Lead Vocals, Table Saw
Roger Blade  - Lead Guitar, Power Drills
Jeff Neck    - Bass, Circular Saw
Paul Derf    - Drums, Electric Impact Hammer
Bare Nun
(P2) Religious-rock band using sex to attract listeners. Not at all appreciated or supported by any religious organization. Founded the Southside Nunnery whose slogan was: "Get In The Habit".
Rob Barlowe                 - Lead Vocals/Keyboards
Geraldine "Mother" Superior - Backing Vocals/Keyboards
"Sister" Francine           - Dancer
Joanne "Convent" Recker     - Dancer
Caroline "Open" Habit       - Drums
Bath Key Bangers
(P1) Scott Bath Key's project that explored the bass register in new ways. One of the few artists to effectively use the Kinkdom™ 34-string bass.
Scott Bath Key - Kinkdom™ 34-String Bass, Vocals
Boom Boom BAM
Recorded: 3/14/83    Released: 3/83
Songs: Boom Boom BAM, Large Thang, Bass Control, All Bass Band, Bass in 
       Space, Byte my Head, (Side 2), Hack Man, Goat Thrown, Attack of 
       the Liquid Terror, Slam Drum, Break Your Head.  
Big Enormous
Rapper from Compton. Recorded his first album "Biggah is Bettah" from his jail cell.

Big Toe
(P2) Ska band famous for its selfless lead vocalist with a silly accent. Won several awards including Good Housekeeping's seal of approval.
Alasdair M. Brooks - Lead Vocals/Keyboards
John Irvine        - Trumpet/Vocals
Geoff Wright       - Guitars/Vocals
Gerard "Chuck" Rainville - Bass/Vocals
Keith Richmond     - Drums/Bass/Guitars/Sax
Josh Shaffer       - Trombone/Guitars/Toasting
Kathy Rae Weeks    - Keyboards/Bass
Jen Maser          - Drums
Heather Flower     - Vocals
  Pat Vargas      - Dancer/Vocals/Toasting
  David Berkebile - Trumpet 
  David Braxton   - Trumpet
  Dave Victor     - Trumpet
  Kenny Neil      - Saxophone
  Kevin Roth      - EmCee/Dancer
  SMC Rugby Team  - Vocals

Buttocks II, III and IV
(P1) The backbone of the Ted Chain from 1983-1985. Formed from the JJJammers and Ted who was with the Ted Team at the time.
J.J. Jammer          - Lead/Rhythm Guitars
Ted                  - Vocals, Lead/Rhythm Guitars, Keyboards
"Little" Dick Beater - Drums
Scott Bath Key       - Bass
Andy Piece           - Bass
Bryan Frizzbrain     - Drums

(P1) Not related to the Sony recording act of the same name. Originally created as a parody of the Swiss band Krokus.
Dead Meat      - Vocals
Raw Beef       - Lead Guitar
Rotten Fingers - Rhythm Guitar
Tough Hide     - Bass
Sinew          - Keyboards
Bones Baxter   - Drums
The CarParks
(P3) A vehicle for recording a number of Alasdair's post-Big Toe compositions. Short-lived due to Alasdair's return to the UK.
Alasdair M. Brooks - Vocals, Keyboards
Ted                - Drum/Bass Sequencing, Guitars
(P1) Preached democratic and necrophilic message. Name is a play on the CCCP.
Joe "Cum" Johnson - Vocals
Little Wack       - Lead Guitar
Slapdick          - Bass
Hoo Long Stick    - Drums
Click to hear Walk This Way Classical Ugandan Music
(P2) Pop cover band. Name chosen solely for acronym.
Sean Dawson        - Lead Vocals
Ted                - Lead Guitar
Matt O'Byrne       - Bass/Rhythm Guitars
Alasdair M. Brooks - Keyboards/Backing Vocals/Shoes
Keith Richmond     - Drums

Performed 4/26/88 at St. Mary's College of Maryland's Battle of the Bands.

Codpiece 7
Flavor-rock outfit specializing in songs about smallness. See the Dick Beaters.
Copper Head
(P2) All members had red hair. The first album, "Hardly Red" was banned from most record stores due to subliminal messages found on every track.
J.J. Jammer     - Lead Vocals/Guitar
Planar Grod     - Keyboards/Backings
Lana Copacabana - Rhythm Guitar
Ergo Sinul      - Bass
Ogden Snod      - Drums
Crashed Davenport
(P1) Sometimes referred to as Trashed Davenport. Featured an untrained male-soprano vocalist. A non-medical procedure was used to obtain the unique vocal sound.
J.J. Jammer  - Bass
? Gianinni   - Vocals
Brian        - ?
Crass Idiocy
(P2) Hardcore punk act featuring Ted's roommate on vocals. Ted's first band after Good Counsel. Received many death threats from potential members.
Lenny "Noid" Rudow - Lead Vocals
Ted                - Lead Guitar
Crunchy Clitoris
(P2) Radical women's group formed to take advantage of men. Usually had men chained to the stage during a performance. Audience members wandering on stage were fair game.
"Smelly" Nelly  - Lead Vocals
"Wayward" Wanda - Lead Guitar
"Naughty" Nanci - Bass
"Terrible" Tess - Drums
Daring D
(P2) Members' names all began with D until the introduction of their drummer "Seth". Lead vocalist Darrin would ride motorcycles through the audience and put out simulated building fires.
Darrin Danner  - Lead Vocals
Dave Doyle     - Lead Guitar/Backings
Dale Dougherty - Rhythm Guitar/Keyboards
Dan Dearth     - Bass
Seth Sabbat    - Drums
Davis 5
(P1) Cartoon-Rock band formed in protest of the networks/ syndicate's cartoon-toy marketing campaigns. Songs had an "equal access" message.
Jim Davis     - Vocals
Garfield      - Lead Guitar
Pooky         - Rhythm Guitar
John Arbuckle - Keyboards
Odie          - Drums
Dead Mailmen
(P2) Group got its name after the lead vocalist found out what his mother had been doing with the mailman.
Larry Frab - Lead Vocals
Sonny Bono - Cher Squeaking Noises, Tree Effects
Glenn Told - Loud Screeching Sounds
Elroy Slom - Pounding Din in Background
Delicate Snodgrass
(P3) Named after members saw a hotel marquee announcing a fundraiser for Delegate Snodgrass. First album entitled "Fundraiser".
"Delicate" Peter          - Vocals
Ogden "I'm no geek" Snod  - Drums
Dick Beaters
(P1) Extreme Avant-Garde act whose style is difficult to define. Had a very difficult time selling albums due to a lack of popular appeal. Critically acclaimed by top percussionists of the time.
"Little" Dick Beater    - Vocals, Drums, Percussion, Explosives
Tim Beater              - Trumpets, Slide Trombones, Saxophones, French 
                          Horns, Flutes
Linus Winesap           - Vocals.

Click to hear Ed Ilwack Displaced Aggression (of Gaithersburg)
(P2) Band stole its name from a band in Baltimore. Very fast hardcore punk style with songs mostly about Tofu.
John Paluck    - Lead Vocals/Bass
Phil Trickovic - Lead Guitar, Vocals for GC Battle
Tony Zezzo     - Drums
Ted            - Rhythm Guitar for GC Battle
Doug Sanford   - Drums for GC Battle

Performed May 30, 1986 at Good Counsel's Battle of the Bands.

Dr. Malpractis Band
Medical-pop supergroup
Mel Enoma       - Lead Vocals 
Miss Diagnosed  - Backing Vocals
Lily Ostomy     - Backing Vocals
Colin Ectomy    - Backing Vocals
Dr. Malpractis  - Keyboards
Angie O. Plasty - Cello
Kimo Therapy    - Lead Guitar
Anne Gyna       - Rhythm Guitar
Basil Cell      - Bass
Harry Mole      - Percussion
He-Man Gioma    - Strawberry Fields
Tin Itis        - Drums

[Discography/Medical Reviews]

(P2) Band formed by Rob Barlowe and other noted Vacuum Cleaner salesmen. Onstage vacuum demonstrations usually ended up causing injuries to audience members.
Rob Barlowe - Lead Vocals/Keyboards
Lady Eureka - Tambourine
Jack Bissel - Suction
Wes Hoover  - Drums
Elephant Stampede
(P1) Jungle-Metal band capable of ruining a large number of seats in any auditorium.
Fred "Large" L'Phant               - Vocals
Bill "Elephant" Elcolm             - Stampede sounds
Frank "I am not an animal!" Friswa - Guitars
National Zoo                       - Livestock
Five Gays in a Station Wagon
(P1) Radical left-wing liberal band that performed in gay bars along with the Village People. Most songs had gay-rights underpinnings and overt political statements.

Flailing 5
(P2) J.J. Jammer's first post-High School band. Used heavy machinery on each of its albums including a jackhammer and piledriver.
J.J. Jammer - Lead Vocals/Thrashing Sounds
Flamming Inferno
(P2) Drum band in the style of the All Drum Band. Got their name from an incident where sloppy playing caused a PA system to ignite during a performance.
Andrew Kastello - Lead Drums
Tom Moran       - Rhythm Drums
Keith Richmond  - Bass Drums
Forced Settlement
(P1) Frequently rigged concert halls with automatic seatbelts that would trigger during their hit "Sit Down".

Gang Green
(P1) Group of ex-emergency-room buddies caught in a fog-related 15-car accident in Ohio. Decided to name themselves after the worst disease/condition experienced by the members.
Antibiotic                       - Vocals
Jack "First-Aid" Samsonite       - Luggage Grip
David "Infected Finger" Notch    - Lead Guitar
Johnny Deformed                  - Bass
Kevin "These Aren't Drumsticks,
       They're my Fingers" Dessa - Drums   
Gary Group
(P1) Solo act featuring the lead vocalist for the Riverside Connection. Produced several poorly received albums then folded. Renewed interest in the group's body of work resurfaced in the early 2000's as musical tastes began to align with what the band had been doing all along. Gary's tireless dedication to touring even in the face of poor album sales was also a major contributor to the comeback. Now critically acclaimed as having been way ahead of their (his) time.
Gary Carter - Vocals
Genetic Freak
(P2) Brain-rock band. Met after a nuclear accident caused two of the members to mutate. Their most popular song "Genetic Freak (C'est Chic)" gained them respect in the scientific community.
Charles Darwin       - Lead Vocals/Bass
John "Elephant" Mann - Lead Guitar
Andrew Kastello      - Drums
(P1) Primate-Pop act seen occasionally in zoologic parks.
Mun Key         - Lead Guitar
Charles Darwin  - Bass, Vocals
Chimp N. Zee    - Keyboards
Choc A Lot      - Drums
(P2) Environmental-rock band responsible for a higher awareness within the Chain. Distributed propaganda at their shows.
David Seifert          - Lead Vocals
Eric "Wad" Thomas      - Doojredoo
Paula Rabber           - Samples/Lead Scratching
"Cousin" Willie Bryant - Bodily Fluids
Grind and Chëw
(P2) Mastication-oriented band featuring various household appliances.

(P2) Pop-Metal act that could never find a vocalist.
Ted            - Lead Guitar
Matt O'Byrne   - Rhythm Guitar
Keith Richmond - Bass
Tom Moran      - Drums
(P1) Computer-rock group featuring two humans and a bevy of Commodore 64 computers.
Hacking Cough  - Vocals
Commodore 64   - Vocals
Commodore 64   - Synthesizer
Scott Bath Key - Bass
Commodore 64   - Drums
Hemangioma Hemiola
Also known by the equally unpronounceable name Strawberry Nevus Sesquialtera. Polyrhythmic sextet known for their pronounced birthmarks.

I Am Egg
(P1) Power-Pop Trio based in Battle Creek, Michigan. Destroyed several Kellogg's products during world tour. Name inspired by artwork a small child was creating during a church service.
Victor    - Lead Guitar, Vocals
Eggman    - Keyboards, Vocals
Chef      - Bass
Tater Tot - Drums
Interstellar Distress
(P1) Sci-Fi-Rock band that incorporated video clips into their performances.

Iron Cow
(P1) Animal-metal act featuring sacrificed girls from local High Schools.
Amy "Cow" Cutsy           - Vocals
Betty "Bovine" Harris     - Guitars
Margaret "Bessy" Gorsmith - Bass
Fawn "Angus" Calera       - Drums
Iron Coffin
(P?) Pioneering death metal band fronted by ex-mortician's assistant Izzy Sullen. Specialize in death metal versions of classic showtunes. Highlight of band's live performance is their version of "The Sun Won't Come Out Tomorrow" during which band members are sealed in giant iron coffins and lowered into a crypt beneath the stage.
Izzy Sullen  - Bass/Vocals
J.J. Jammer  - Guitar
Bob Morose   - Drums
Awful Archie - Keyboards
West Side Slaying
South Pacific Skin Cancer
Iron Fruit Fly
(P1) Metal band that sacrificed girls from local High Schools.
Dan Sullen   - Lead Vocals
J.J. Jammer  - Lead Guitar
Jacques Itch - Drums
Iron Laiden
(P2) Pompous brain-metal band with an overly intelligent playlist.
Sean Dawson     - Lead Vocals
Terri Belafonte - Lead Guitar/Daylight Come
Steve Hairless  - Bass
Jew Boy
(P1) Definers of the Jewish-Rock sound. Performed many of their songs in Yiddish.
Joey Steinberg     - Vocals
Bernard Goetzstein - Lead Guitar, Weapons
Ronald Reaganberg  - Bass, Political Idiocy
Uri Andropovstein  - Drums, Missle Effects
(P1) Acoustic rock duo turned satanic metal-heads. Formed the Buttocks with Ted.
J.J. Jammer
    Lead/Rhythm Guitars, Vocals, Keyboards, Demonaics, 
"Little" Dick Beater 
    Vocals, Drums, Keyboards, Demonaics, Lead Guitar

JJJammers II
(P3) In Fall of '87 J.J. Jammer reformed the Jammers as a Doom/Thrash metal band in college.
J.J. Jammer        - Guitar/Vocals
Evil Ed            - Guitar
Brain Damaged Bill - Bass
Screamin' Semen    - Drums
Kid Karnage
(P2) Kind of like Gwar, only worse.
Corpse Kristy   - Lead Vocals
Rhode Kill      - Lead Guitar
Death Leper     - Bass
Andrew Kastello - Drums
Last Supper
(P2) The original Ted Chain mock-devil-metal band. Prior to Last Supper, the Satanic influences in the Ted Chain were pretty serious. In this band, a little good-natured fun is poked at Satan.
Sean Dawson - Lead Vocals/Grunts
Ted         - Lead/Rhythm Guitars, Satan Voice
Jesus Done  - Bass
Dick Shaver - Drums
Leaping Lobster
(P1) Ted's first real band. This band marks the beginning of the Ted Chain. Sounded similar to the very early JJJammers recordings.
Ted     - Vocals
Joe Lob - Keyboards/Reed Organ
Claw    - Drums/Trash Can
Crustacean Wagon
Recorded: 1978
Songs: Casons, Ya Ha Emotion Potion, Wencenslaw Rock, Swany Creek.
Legiondary John Renal Band
(P2) Known for their poor spelling and self-absorbed front man John Renal. John was kicked to death at the last Renal Band show.
John Renal              - Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
Geoff Wright            - Guitar
Chuck "Levin" Rainville - Bass
Andrew Kastello         - Drums
Liquid Terror
(P1) Hardcore foursome credited with the first usage of a working toilet live onstage.
Bryan Frizzbrain - Drums  
Fred Flush       - Guitar/Toilet
(P1) Chamber-rock quartet featuring members of the Liquor family. Most songs dealt with alcoholism and drunk driving issues.
Mike Liquor  - Vocals
Larry Liquor - Bass Viola
Liquor Butt  - Violin/Viola/Cello
Dick Liquor  - Percussion
Major Orifice
(P2) This band consisted of 4 gas stovetops arranged on stage and attached to a source of Natural Gas. Music was piped in from local radio stations.

Massectomy 7
(P1) Originally named the Vasectomy 7, this group reluctantly changed its name after several flyers announcing a performance were misprinted. Group decided to distribute breast cancer awareness literature at their live shows in keeping with their new, albeit misspelled, name. Also in keeping with their new name the topics of their songs shifted focus from planned parenthood to dealing with breast cancer. Their most popular song was a cover of Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" with new lyrics, retitled "Take My Breasts Away" and dedicated to those battling with breast cancer. Lead vocalist Jack "Eunuch" Hairless died in a bizarre accident involving a mobile vasectomy van. He was later replaced by Sister Christian, a breast-cancer survivor.
Jack "Eunuch" Hairless - Vocals
Sister Christian       - Malpractice Insurance
Larry Landing          - Infertility Drugs
Steven Sanders         - Incisions
Vas Deferens           - Propulsion
Eva Gabor              - Prostate Exam
Lorraina Bobbit        - Chopsticks
Planned Parenthood
Songs: Shootin' Blanks, I Love Sex but I Hate Kids, Sterile Promiscuity,
       Abortion's All Around, You're Not Having My Baby, ...
Pink Ribbons
Songs: The Breast Song, Take My Breasts Away, Stage 4, Lumpectomy, Chemo Fog,
       Invasive Carcinoma (yeah yeah), Fatty Acids (It's a Little Late Now),
       Ode to Oncology, Breast Self Exam, Biopsy Hustle, Breast Mouse, All
       I Want For Christmas (Is My F*cking Breasts!)
Militant Nudists
Similar to the Naked 9 (see below), but members of the audience at their shows are brought up on stage and forced to disrobe at gunpoint.

(P2) Rock trio that promoted its first show by hiring a large group of people to attack the audience.
Matt O'Byrne - Vocals/Lead Guitar
Fred Clunk   - Bass
Sam Adams    - Drums
Moran Moran
(P2) '80s pop-synth act that performed live surgery at many of their shows.
Tom Moran      - Lead Vocals/Drums
Jennifer Moran - Keyboards/Flute
Suzy Moran     - Lead Surgeon
George Moran   - Backing Insurance
Motley Süe
(P2) Nautically influenced band known for intense water oriented effects and swimming melodies.
Susan Ack        - Lead Vocals
Sally Struthers  - Majoring in Gun Repair
Greg Sharps      - Underwater noises
Loni Fleet       - Screaming Orifice
Kent Oracle      - Database
Larry Lukewarm   - Reception
Tootsie Beaumont - Chewy Chocolate Candies
Naked 9
(P1) Nudist band that was normally banned from performing in public places. Occasionally would perform offstage when necessary with a fully clothed decoy band onstage.
Harry Butchik     - Lead Vocals
Fannie B. Tender  - Backing Vocals
Exposure Tompkins - Keyboards/Backing Vocals
Henrietta Horgan  - Acoustic Guitar
Liquor Butt       - Violin/Viola/Cello
Jake Snake        - Flute (Skin)
Colleen Cover     - Bass Tambourine
Sam Smooth        - Double Bass
Hung Long Stick   - Percussion
Natural Log
(P2) A return to the humorous/spontaneous musicality of the Buttocks era. Most songs written about someone named Sue.
Ted       - Lead Vocals/Guitar/Keyboards
Tom Moran - Lead Vocals/Drums

Nellie and the Nellmonts
(P2) Motown revival band that covered mostly Delfonics songs.
Nelly "Smelly" Jelly - Vocals
John Irvine          - ?
Null Set
(P2) Very successful act capable of performing in small spaces.
Anderson Duck   - vocals/drums
Michael Krauss  - guitar
Darrin Danner   - vocals/bass
Keith Richmond  - drums/bass
Rusty Pistachio - vocals
Frank ?         - vocals

(P2) Band named after reaction to a performance by its Lead Vocalist ("Oh My God!").
Matt O'Byrne - Lead Vocals
Point of Departure
(P2) Wedding band capable of leveling a room full of innocent wedding guests.
Steven Sidley  - Keyboards
John McConnell - Drums
David Ziebarth - Guitar
John Hartke    - Trumpet
Danny Akers    - Vocals, Trumpet
Becky Cotter   - Vocals, Sex
Tom Blancodine - Guitar, Vocals, Sex
Anne Roach     - Vocals
Keith Richmond - Sax, Tambourine

Power Supply
(P1) Pop vocal duo known for their experiments with electricity. Both members died of heart attacks at a performance in Detroit.
Graham Hustle    - Voltage
Hustle Hitchcock - Amperage
Primal Scream
(P1) Leather-metal band famous for on-stage (and on-record) demonstrations of Primal Scream therapy. Lead vocalist died of a hernia.
Loud Mouth      - Vocals
Sally Screech   - Guitars
Screamin' Semen - Guitars
Miss Bologna    - Guitars
Carrie Catcall  - Guitars
Hell Razor      - Guitars
Yellin' Helen   - Guitars
Pumpkin Squad
(P1) Inspired by the Ted Team "Hollow Ween" recordings. Most songs dealt with gourds and gourd issues.
Jack O. Lantern - Vocals/Demonaics
Squash          - Acoustic Guitar/Demonaics
Egg Plant       - Percussion/Demonaics
Rabid Squad
(P1) Group of ex dog-catchers who portrayed rabid animals on stage to deliver their message of animal safety.
Greg "Crazy" Brent - Vocals
Sally Jesse Rabies - Keyboards
Lucifer Kidney     - Vaccinations
Larry Liquor       - Bass Viola
Debbie Fienstein   - News Reports
Collin Career      - Cages and Nets
K9                 - Drums
Raging Placenta
Big bunch of screaming babies.

Click here to hear! Rancid Oatmeal
(P3) A band whose work strongly resembles the Ted Team's "Hollow Ween" efforts. Usually labeled "avant-garde". Originally, Ted wanted to call the band "Rancid Food Products", Dave wanted "Oatmeal Slaves", so they compromised.
David Seifert - Lead Vocals, Guitar, Percussion
Ted           - Backings, Keyboards, Percussion
Mold In My Blastopore
Recorded: 8/11/91
Format: Continuous Sound
Songs: Introduction, Touch My Oatmeal and Stick Your Fingers In The
       Bowl, I Can't Stick Two Diskettes In My Drive, Mayor Of
       Mastication, "Me and You, Toto Too", Forced Rejection.
Agriculture-focused country band. Their first album, Husbandry, featured the hit Canola. Members met at Texas A&M.

Rapid Eye Movement
(P1) Biological band known for falling asleep during concerts. Band members would attach electrodes to their skulls and their brain wave patterns were amplified and made part of the performace.
I. Ball          - Lead Vocals
Blast O. Pore    - Guitars
Nuke Leus        - Keyboards
Mite O. Chondria - Bass
Vack U. Ole      - Drums
(P2) One-man Latin/Reggae band. Performed live several times with an all-star Ted Chain backing band featuring members of the GoRiLlAs and Liverworks.
Keith Richmond - Drums/Percussion/Bass/
(P1) Also known as The Reality Band. Their self-deprecating first album, "Reality Sucks" sold only 2 copies. Many potential buyers felt the album's title spoke for itself. The two who actually bought the album mistook it for the soundtrack for the movie of the same name.
Arthur Real - Vocals/Keyboards
Sofa Real   - Burps/Couch noises
Camino Real - Traffic Control
Jackie Real - Bass Goat
Henry Real  - Brick Bat and Oil Drum
Richard's Fat Band
(P1) Most noted for Sound Effects man Huge Richard. Huge would occasionally record with a microphone inserted into his stomach through his esophagus.
Huge Richard - Vocals/Digestive Sounds
Riverside Band
(P1) Piano-pop band featuring three pianists, and two flutes. Covered many ELO tunes.
Ted            - Organ
Tom Towles     - Piano/provided location for first practice
Brian Hershey  - Piano
Brian Quinn    - Piano/provided location for second practice
Scott Hershey  - Acoustic Guitar
Chrissy Houser - Flute
Mike Quinn     - Flute
Ted Bruns      - Recorder
Riverside Connection
(P1) Rhythm and Blues act most noted for their huge hit, Bar-B-Q. Spun off from the Riverside Band.
Gary Carter  - Vocals, Keyboards, Drums
Ted          - Vocals, Keyboards, Lead/Rhythm Guitars, Drums
Songs: Bar-B-Q, Little Lamb, Little Star, Carter Rap, 
       Theme from Rocky, M*A*S*H, Star Wars, Hoola Head.
Rotting Face
(P1) Punk-rock band sponsored by Noxema. Noxema dropped support quickly after finding out the band's name.
Pimple     - Lead Vocals
Harry Mole - Guitars/Sitars
Mark Pock  - Bass
Carcinoma  - Drums
San Diego Sandwich Factory Boys
(P1) Porn-pop band that threw cold-cuts at the audience during live performances.
Long Larry   - Vocals/Dancing
Hot Henry    - Vocals/Dancing
Sexy Sam     - Vocals/Dancing
Big Barry    - Vocals/Dancing
Beefy Bill   - Vocals/Dancing
Endowed Earl - Vocals/Dancing
Erect Eric   - Vocals/Dancing
Flacid Frank - Vocals/Dancing
Scientific Find
(P1) Nerd-Rock quartet. Famous for their song, "I want to be Fermat".
Jerry Einstein - Lead Vocals
Fred Gauss     - Magnetic Fields
Mike Faraday   - Electrical Charge
Henry Voltaire - Power Supplies
Sectional 7
(P1) A group of seven ex-sofa-warehouse workers that got together on weekends.
Harry Cushion   - Lead Vocals
Bark-o-Lounger  - Keyboards/Sound FX
Strat-o-Lounger - Bass Simulator
Steve Sofa      - Drums
Serving Suggestion
Food-related band. All albums featured pictures of food on the cover. Albums include "Enlarged to Show Texture", "Part of this Complete Breakfast", and "Reg Penna Dept Agr". Biggest hit song was the breakfast cereal inspired "Toasted Chicken Smacks". Raised food poisoning awareness with the cautionary anthem "Monocytogenes".
Lucius Fabius Cilo - Lead Vocals, Milk
Henry I            - Lamprey
Martin of Aragon   - Laugh Track
Vlad VI Înecatul   - Drowning in a teaspoon of water
Tycho Brahe        - Observations
Sir Francis Bacon  - Freezer
Henry Purcell      - Hot Chocolate
Shot Put Boys Choir
(P1) Vocal band featuring various Track and Field stars from High Schools near Gaithersburg, MD.
Jacques Strap - Lead Vocals
Boy Steve     - Guitar
Jim Fix       - Heart Attack
Dave Sprint   - Long Distance Charges
Jay Jaffe     - Javelin
Sore Tooth
(P2) Promoted tooth decay with their Sugar-Vinyl process.
Molar          - Lead Vocals
Sam Bicuspid   - Backing Vocals/Lead Guitar
Fanny I. Tooth - Bass
Judy Filling   - Drums/Percussion
(P1) One of the earliest known Synth-only jazz groups. Often cited as creating New Age.
Southman - Synthesizers
South for the Winter
South of the Border

Starm Troopers
(P2) Radical facist hardcore punk band. Frequently sacrificed members of the audience during live (and recorded) performances.
John Starmer - Lead Vocals/Guitar
Harry Anus   - Bass
Hank E. Pank - Drums
(P1) Died at a water party in their apartment. Famous for their hunger strikes for various causes. Had a big hit with their song "Famine Special".
Anna Rexia  - Vocals
Bull Eemya  - Guitar
M T Stomach - Horns
Slim Jim    - Bass
Hank Lanky  - Drums
Sue Me!
(P2) All girl band most noted for their litigious behavior.
Susan Ack   - Lead Vocals
Sue Burgess - Guitars
Suzy Q      - Bass/Drums
Sudden Urgence
(P1) Brainchild of J.J. Jammer and Jack Anus. Critically acclaimed for both the songwriting and recording. Sales of each of the three albums broke all previous Ted Chain records.
David "Laryngitis" Gurn   - Vocals
J.J. Jammer               - Lead Guitar
Jack Anus                 - Rhythm Guitar
Ogden "I'm no geek" Snod  - Drums

(P1) Toyota brothers. Well known for wrecking cars on stage.
John Toyota - Revving noises
Gary Toyota - Bad brakes
Fred Toyota - Tire rotation
(P2) Omnidextrous band noted for quick personnel changes during performances.
Andy                - vocals/drums/guitar/bass
Michael J.          - vocals/drums/guitar/bass
Gimpy? (ask Darrin) - vocals/drums/guitar/bass
Keef                - vocals/drums/guitar/bass
Tasteless Choice
(P2) One-performance-only band that played live at St. Mary's College of Maryland. Set included one Last Supper song (Burn In Hell).
Sean Dawson  - Lead Vocals
Ted          - Lead Guitar
Matt O'Byrne - 3-String Bass
Tom Moran    - Drums

Performed 11/18/1987 in St. Mary's College of Maryland's Prince George Hall TV Room.


Ted Team
(P1) One of Ted's more lengthy endeavors. Synthesizer guru Southman very well respected in the music community.
Ted          - Vocals, Piano
Southman     - Synthesizers
Blue Boo Boo - Flutes
VV           - Violins, Viola, Cello, Bass
Guy Guy Gary - Drum Synthesizer
Recorded: 1981
Songs: Summer Nights, Lodge-E-But, Barbeque Now, Bar-B-Q, Ballot of the 
       Seven Flumes, Rope Slack, Play House.

Tranquil Livers
Sir Osis        - Lead Vocals
Andrew Drunkard - Guitar/Fidgeting
Jack Toasted    - Drums
Twelve Positions
(P1) Pop/Rock band noted for playing each song in a key one half-step higher than the previous.
Ben Dover     - Lead Vocals/Bass
Six T. Nine   - Guitars
Miss Shin Ary - Tambourine/Acceptance
Dog E. Style  - Drums
Van Seighman
David "Lee" Ross      - Lead Vocals
Edward "Van" Seighman - Lead Guitar
Michael Tony          - Bass
Alex "Van" Seighman   - Drums
(P1) High School band formed from various other Chain bands. Emphasis was on variety in their 3 albums.
Monica Egghead  - Mascot
Ted             - Toilet
J.J. Jammer     - Lead Guitar
"Little" Dick Beater - Waterboy 
Rudy            - Sax
Bill Hot        - Organ (5th)
Terry           - Bass
Scott Bath Key  - 12 Positions
Huge Richard    - Destruction
Region          - Demonaics
Fritch          - Bitch
Bryan Frizbrain - Drums
Mike & Karen    - Gang Bang
Mike Nipples    - Conniptions
Amy             - Rudy
Jennifer        - Anus
Mike Hot        - Drugs
John C          - Lobotomy Lives
Molina          - Mathematics
Telly Savalas   - Lead Hair Dryer
(P2) Every sound produced by XYZ eminated in some fashion from the body of Rob Barlowe.

Recorded: 4/15/1989-?
Format: Demo
Songs: Love By The Sea, Stranger, Hours, The Drive, Call Out.

Copyright ©2005-2022, The Ted Chain